youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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