So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
