You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
