Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
