I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What drink are we having for lunch?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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