As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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