Umm I'm too high to move.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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