I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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