i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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