I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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