they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
