Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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