I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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