but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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