so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
