I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
