Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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