Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
