Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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