I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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