I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
