i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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