she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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