Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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