i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
