well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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