Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
