this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
In America we eat man semen.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
