I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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