wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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