If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
