i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
