Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Randomize
