if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
