After last night, I could never be a politician.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
