is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
