why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
