Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
