I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she told me i tasted like america
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
