I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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