i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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