Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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