i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
