we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
