Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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