You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
