By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
