Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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