Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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