i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
