Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
