im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
