i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
