2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
