the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do