if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They took my balls.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."