He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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