ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize