he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
