the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
