you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
