Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
