fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
