I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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