i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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