I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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