i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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