he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
