I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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