My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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