Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
