They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
