i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
