I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
