Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
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